Facts on friendship by Bee Jaiye

1.   Your Best Friend was once a stranger

Think of some friends, recall how you met them, what did you think of them at first *wink*. I met one of my closest friends at an outreach and we started out better inclined, though I couldn't have predicted that the relationship would end up being so wonderful and motivating.

Every stranger you meet could turn out to be a good friend like the ones you already have. My pastor Rev Gbeminiyi Eboda would always says, people are one of the most vital assets in ones life, so don't be tempted to stick to your own group of established friends, why not to branch out.

I have friends with steady jobs, friends on the dole, friends who do media and arts, professionals, friends who serve in shops or own their business, friends who are worth millions, friends who are older and younger than I am. This enriches my life enormously and teaches me a huge amount daily. I've learnt over the years not to take people at face value. My best friend today motivates, teaches, encourages and guides me.

2. Only have people in your life that makes it better not worse

The greatest thing about having friends, is that they're not compulsory; you don't have to stay with them unless you want them there. You deserve a friend who makes you feel good, who supports you and makes you happy. Anyone with out these criteria isn't a friend at all.

I know we all have friends for different reasons, friends whom we read with, hang out with, eat with etc. Some put us down, some make us laugh, others are critical about our dreams but with our best at heart. All I can say is that it’s a balancing act; you need put them in a giant set of scales. Faults on one side and virtue on the other and see which side carries the most weight.

This isn't just something you need to do now, all through life you'll need to run an occasional check on your friends so you can decide whether they are on balance, making your life better. I hope most of them do most of the time, and a few of them will all of the time. That way, you can be sure you're surrounded with people who are collectively and individually making your life RICHER.

3.   If you're going to be a friend, be a good friend

There are no rules for your friends, take them as they come, but there are rules for you. You are expected to be the best you can to the people you choose to give your friendship to. It could be hard work, in fact it is hard work. It means finding time for your friends when they need you, though there would be times when work, life and whatever can get in the way and you hardly see each other.

It doesn't matter because when you finally have the time, you'll just pick up from where you left off. That's what good friendship is about. There are lots of qualities a friend needs, of course- you need to be a good listener, to be positive and supportive, to be loyal, thoughtful, kind, sympathetic and dependable. But you can't be any of those things unless you're there. That's why the most important thing is to show your support by making  time for your friends, no matter how hard.

What exactly am I saying? A phone call to ask how they are faring, a card or email to tell them you're thinking of them, your love and attention makes a whole lot of difference. All of these make you a good friend.

4.  Find friends who love the truth

You are responsible for your friends you know. If you're in with a bad crowd, that's your choice and it reflects on you. It would be better to have no friends at all than to have only friends you're embarrassed or ashamed of. You can't be a puppy in a field of thistles or a rose among thorns. You'll turn into thistles and thorns yourself.

So let's be clear, you need to surround yourself with friends you are proud of and proud to be with. So what should you look out for and how will you know these people when you meet them? They will be honest, decent,  upright and full of integrity. People who are truthful and sincere; who will never lie to you and who care about your happiness. Friends who want to be around you not because of what they can get from you, but simply because you make them feel good.

They won't try to take advantage of you, or put pressure on you to do things you don't want to. They will never betray your confidence or gossip about you behind your back. They of course won't always get everything right because they're human. But it won't be for want of trying, and if they realize they've made a mistake, they will want to put it right as soon as they can. And when you start spending time with these people, you'll find that you become like them.

I believe this has been helpful. Choose your friends wisely! As Rev Eboda will say you can’t walk with giants and remain a dwarf. Walk with the wise and you will become one….*wink*

Bee jaiye