WHY LOVE MUST BE TOUGH- REV. DEJI OLABODE

The fact that you are in love, doesn’t mean you have to put up with every awkward thing that your lover offers? Love may claim to be a lot of things, but love is not stupid. It isn’t uncommon to see so called lovers who throw caution to the wind and endure untold abuses all in the name of love. This ought not be so. For example, there are lovers who are subjected to physical, verbal and sexual abuse in their relationship and yet they keep on complying with the selfish demands of their partner, all in the name of love. One husband told his wife, that he had become bored with their sex life, he said the only way he could get his sexual groove back on, was if she was willing to allow him sleep with her and another lady in their matrimonial bed. Guess what, she agreed. Can we call this love or insanity?

Many people tolerate these absurdities in love simply because they want to avoid conflict. Some hold on to trashy elements in love, because of the fear of being alone. Others have been manipulated into submitting to such abuses because of frequent outbursts of anger by their partner. As such, they will rather grovel in their abuse, than secure the wrath of the male or female titan, they are involved with. This, my friend is not love. You can never be free to love in the presence of fear and trepidation.

True love must not be afraid to disagree: Not all forms of agreement in love is noble. There is such an agreement that flourishes only because one partner’s perspective and opinion is being suppressed. Silence doesn’t always mean consent. In fact it can mean dissent. Just as the silence of the grave yard speaks of death, there is a silence and relational compliance that means that all emotions are dead and one’s lover has given up entirely on the relationship. Their bodies might be present but their heart is absent. This is why every matured partner should encourage and recognize your partner’s divergent perspectives while seeking for mutual consensus.

True love must not be afraid to confront each other: Real love is not unquestionable. One of the signs that your relationship isn’t healthy is if legitimate questions are responded to with outburst of anger and extreme reactions. The only reason why a sincere question would generate an angry or violent reaction is if your lover has something to hide. Iron is meant to sharpen iron. Something is therefore wrong if we refuse to be sharpened by the confrontations of our lover. Your lover has the right to confront you on any aspect of your life that seems shrouded in mystery, because they will also be affected by whatever goes wrong with you, due to their love for you.

True love must not be afraid to correct each other: It is an oxymoron that those closest to us, who are most familiar with our weaknesses, are the ones we are most unwilling to take corrections from. Those who however refuse the privilege of private corrections might have to endure the ridicule of public disgrace. For correction to be effective in love, it must be private and not public. If your partner cannot correct you, am sorry you don’t have a sound relationship. And I can also tell, you won’t grow much in such a relationship. During mutual correction it is also crucial for you not to focus on defending and justifying yourself. Rather, attentive listening and authentic application of the corrections made, is the true mark of a matured lover.

True love must not be afraid to set limits and boundaries: This far and no further. It is not wrong to make clear at the beginning, attitudes and behaviors that you won’t be willing to take in the relationship. This limits and boundaries should be based on the personal values of each lover. The proof of your love will be to avoid such behaviors and attitude altogether, in the course of the relationship, provided that they are reasonable and not prejudicial. You can’t prove to me you love somebody, if your consistently and knowingly violate their personal values, limits and boundaries. A genuine lover won’t. Rather a true lover will see themselves as a custodian and protector of their partner’s values and boundaries.

True love must not be afraid to walk away: Painful as this sounds, there comes a time when the best thing you can do for a relationship is to walk away. When should you walk away? Walk away when your presence with the lover has become a threat to your life and well-being. Walk away when everything you are as a person is being compromised by staying with this person. Walk away when all natural and spiritual efforts to secure a lasting change in this person over the years may have proved abortive. Walk away if your lover has found an obvious replacement lover for you and you have exhausted all avenues of recovering them to no avail. Most of all walk away if your paramount relationship with your creator is being siphoned of life itself by the relationship. No human relationship can take the place of our relationship with the creator. Love is never afraid to walk away.

I can almost hear someone say, this is too tough. Well what can I say, when I observe the millions who are casualties of love in my generation. I can only say LOVE IN ITSELF MUST BE TOUGH.

GREATEST IS LOVE

Deji Olabode

Love Dynamics Global.

Enthronement Assembly Lagos.

lovedynamix@gmail.com

@lovedynamix on twitter.

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